Do not rely on the rice.

Water is your friend. Your phone is your friend. Water is not your phones friend.

Friends, be careful. Be careful when you are crossing the street, be careful when strangers offer you candy, and DEAR GOD BE CAREFUL WHEN YOU HAVE YOUR ELECTRONIC DEVICES NEAR LIQUID.

I do not care what they say.   Rice does not work. If you drop your phone in water, say goodbye. Do not have the slightest hope of it working again. If you spill on your computer, definitely do not put it in a pan of 2 lbs of rice. It will not work again. It will become a rain stick. If you have ever wanted one of those for any creative musical (or other) reasoning, then be my guest. Get a 5 lb bag of rice! Make that shit powerful!

Incident #1: The Angry Orchard Spillage

I remember what I was wearing. Shelby’s green ¾ sleeved shirt (P.S., Shelbs do you still have that shirt? Borrow soon?). Preparing to plug my computer into the TV for a joyous night of funny movies. Until the unthinkable occurred.

You get the picture. Into rice it went for 2 days. Did it work? YES!!!! IT WORKED!!!!!! THE DO IT YOURSELF RAINSTICK WORKED!!!!! AMAZING!!!!

But forrealz, I didn’t buy no mac book to make music. Best buy came to the rescue to revive my mac (BIG UPS TO THE GEEK SQUAD!), but they unfortunately did not remove the rice.

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Incident #2: The water spillage (about 1 month later)

I guess I could consider myself pretty lucky. A musical instrument and a computer in one. Whaddup? After my self grieving, I was finally over the mishap and able to trust myself again. I was totally over my computer smelling and sticking like Angry Orchard that got spilt on the table during a party and sat there in an enclosed room and didn’t get cleaned up for 6 hours while everyone slept. Totally over it. Never thought about it once. Until it happened. Water, on my keyboard. Right before class. I sat my computer upside down for a full hour and a half, and it was haunting me. Did I lose all my screenshots of ridiculous memes? Did I lose all of downloaded Britney songs from the 90s?

Back in the rice, this time for a week. Yes, a whole week. This time, my poor little Mac had been through enough. We lost him.

A full year had gone by and I thought I was over this point in my life. I was a responsible 21 year old (said no one ever).

Incident #3: The Bon Vue Toilet.

If you know what I am talking about, I can feel your squirminess from here. I know, its awful, BUT ITS NOT WHAT YOU THINK. Everything was going great! Got to Bon Vue early, and ran to the bathroom because there was no line. DO NOT PUT YOUR PHONE IN THE BACK POCKET OF YOUR JEANS, ESPECIALLY IN A LOUD BAR WHERE YOU CAN’T HEAR WHEN IT FALLS INTO THE TOILET. Alexis (roomie), was in the stall next to me where I heard her saying that she dropped her phone from her back pocket onto the floor. I laughed and immeditately paused. I wish I could have seen my face. There it was. LIT UP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! in the toilet. I stuck my hand in there like a forceful and motivated mom pushing through a crowd on Black Friday. Thankful that this was a pre pee circumstance, thankful that we got to BV early which meant never before seen CLEAN TOILETS (yes, its possible!!!), thankful for having a good friend like Shelby to grab it out of my hand and rush it under the hand drier. Champ.

Also, big thanks to the girl who calmed me down in the bathroom and told me if I put it under rice everything would be just fine! Much love to you, wherever your sweet soul is.

But……. girl you gave me false hope! Riced that thing up for a solid 2 days. Moral of the story, call the geek squad, do whatever you need to do to figure out your game plan for replacing your devices, ASAP! And most importantly, DO NOT RELY ON THE RICE.

Sorry, am I being bitter? I’m not totally saying don’t have hope. Have hope, take the time to dwell on the moment, spend the $2 on the rice, stare at it for 3 days, check it every 15 minutes to see if it works, use your roommate’s phones every few hours to call your mom, live with the anxiety of thinking if you had just gotten your phone home 10 minutes earlier and if you didn’t have your phone in your back pocket and if you had just had that bag of rice on standby just in case you dropped your phone in a toilet then maybe, just maybe you could have revived it!

Anybody else have a phone that’s totally, unstoppably hydrophilic? WHY, OH WHY, do I feel that the life proof case is so worth it, but when it comes down to it I would rather spend money on a phone case with Kris Jenner chucking up the deuce instead of sparing myself the angst of toilet/Angry Orchard dropping?

Give Kris Jenner a rest. Spend the money and buy that expensive phone case. It may not save you completely, but I promise you, it’s better than unwillingly and constantly making it rain with your laptop.

P.S.S., are there water/idiot proof cases for Macbooks? Help a sister out.

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